Single? Thinking you have no one to give boudoir pictures to, so why bother doing a Dallas boudoir shoot? I hear ya, girl. I’m right there with you. I’ve thought the exact same thing, for the last several years that I’ve been in this business.
We all have various insecurities. Just last week, more than one woman told me she’s always wanted to do a boudoir shoot, but she’s waiting until she loses weight. Then another, told me she’s always wanted to, but her boobs are too small. These all may seem like valid reasons, but ya’ll – I know camera tricks – and all of that can be fixed in posing. Just two quick examples: Lying on the back flattens stomachs, folding arms under chests creates cleavage.
For the single woman though, the reasons not to aren’t so easily fixed. The single woman is thinking “Who is even going to see these photos? It’s not like I’m going to share them on Facebook…what is the point of investing in this for myself?” Chica, I’m here to tell you, I understand, because I’m single, and I haven’t done a boudoir shoot yet. My desire to do one though, has only grown stronger. The more I do them for other women, the more I wish I had a man to do one for. However, boudoir photography isn’t about seducing a man, it’s about celebrating your femininity. Falling in love with how you look in the mirror. Realizing that you’re beautiful even if you don’t have a man and no one is asking you out. Every woman needs this, but I’m starting to think that if you’re single, you need it even more than someone who’s in a relationship. More than likely, if you’ve been single awhile like me, you’re starting to wonder if it’s because of something external, like your weight, looks, or the hot clothes you can’t afford to buy. So why not invest in something that’s going to help you love your external?
I decided that I’m going to do a boudoir shoot around April or earlier for these reasons:
1) No one’s asking me out or even hitting on me. I thought it was just Georgia, but I moved across country and the same thing is happening here. As a result, I’ve started to think I must be too fat, so I’m working out, or I must be too quiet, so I’ve invested in a social skills class. But there’s another part of me that says, what if it’s neither of these things, what if it’s just not meant to be for me? Because I have definitely seen heavier women and women with worse personalities find great men.
2) In today’s social climate, I’m starting to no longer feel beautiful because I’m black. Since I was a kid, every single one of my crushes hasn’t been interested in me back, but instead, has made it pretty clear he’s into blondes. And I’m beginning to realize based on casual surveys I’ve done among all my male friends, that that’s pretty much every man’s type. There’s a few men who are into brunettes, others redheads, others Latinas, and others Asians. But I’ve heard only 2 men in my entire 36 years say they had a thing for black women. And I don’t want to be the woman some guy settled for. I want to be chased because I’m someone’s type just like other women. The fact that black women are lowest on the dating totem pole is not just my observation though, there’s stats & tons of articles out there on it. So I’ve finally resolved myself to the fact that I may never marry (unless I become a super model or a celebrity, because celebrity status does seem to help black women’s attractiveness meters go up).
3) I’m a major romantic. Despite all the above, I still have this teeny, tiny hope that I will marry one day. And I have not only been praying for my future husband, I have also been writing letters to him. So this uber romantic girl has also started to think as she watches her clients present beautiful albums to their hubbies the morning of their weddings, how freakin’ romantic would it be to present MY future hubby with an album full of not just one shoot, but several shoots? It would be especially romantic if no one other than him has even seen me in that lingerie and I get to present it to him the morning of the wedding with a note that says, “No other man has seen me in this lingerie. This is the culmination of years of waiting for you to come along. You were worth the wait. Pick out the piece you want me to wear tonight, I’ll see ya later.” 😉 It would also be a way for me to make sure that happens, because every time I get tempted to let someone else see me in the skivvies, I’d remember I’m creating this album for him. Really, aside from money (which can be saved up over time), I can’t think of any reason why NOT to invest in an annual empowerment shoot for myself. Even if he never comes along, I will be reminded that I am freakin’ sexy every single year & that all these other dudes just don’t even know what they’re missing out on. 😉
4) It would be nice to wake up to a reminder everyday that I’m beautiful. I have this giant, empty wall space in my bedroom that I’ve been trying to figure out how to decorate for a year now. It’s so bare, that one of my friends who saw it said “Dude, your room looks like a guy’s room, there’s no art on the walls.” For awhile, I was leaving the walls blank because I’m an artist & I’m tired of buying other peoples’ art to hang on my walls, I wanted to hang something I created myself. But now I’m thinking, it’d be way better to wake up to a Wall of Affirmation. Maybe a a giant black & white boudoir photo of me with the verse “I am dark yet lovely” (Song of Solomon 1:5) underneath it. Some would say this idea is narcissistic. But I say differently. After being boyfriendless for the last 10 years, I’m to the point where I NEED something like this. I need to be reminded that I’m amazing and only single because I haven’t met someone as equally amazing yet. Sure, I could go to a counselor & read books & just hope that all that stuff helps me feel better a few months or years from now. But IMO, the faster route to feeling beautiful again would be waking up to a daily reminder that I’m dark yet lovely. Besides that, no one besides my dog & I go into my room anyway, so I can put whatever I want on my walls. 😉
5) Confidence is attractive. I’ve considered myself a fairly confident person for the last 5 or so years. But lately, I’ve felt myself slipping back into little insecure girl mode to the point I can’t even look at anyone I’m interested in. That certainly won’t help me get asked out. I know that it’s unattractive to be insecure as this past weekend I met a man who was super sweet, pretty good-looking, but mega insecure and that was a turn-off, because I want this strong, bold man who isn’t afraid of anything. If I want a confident man, I need to be a confident woman again myself.
So, there you have it; my 5 reasons to do a boudoir shoot even if you’re single. I’m finally beginning to plan my own boudoir shoot and can’t WAIT to share my mood board for my first annual shoot later this week. Maybe your reasons are different, but I’m guessing they may stem from some of the same things, so don’t hesitate to reach out if you’ve decided that you too, are worth investing in, even while you’re still “just” a single woman. 🙂